…and I bit down…This time, harder than before.
My jaw stopped midway through and a sharp pain raced up the right side of my head. I stopped chewing and felt around in my mouth with my tongue. FOUND IT! What is it? $#!%, is it a piece of tooth? Did my tooth break? No, it’s too big…what did they put in my cake? I pulled it out, it was pink…WTF?! It’s a little baby! A tiny little plastic baby! What kind of sick baker puts something like this in a cake?! Is someone trying to kill me? Can I even tell my friends about this? What if they’re in on it? Should I act like I’m choking on something and see if anyone helps me? No…I’d be too vulnerable to an attack. I have to get out of here fast!
I turned to run and was immediately met with a cold, hard CRACK!!!! and I was lying face-down on the pavement. My head hurt and my vision was blurry. $#!%, my glasses! What happened to my glasses? “HEY,” someone shouted. “Are you OK?” “No, he’s not OK!” “He just got hit by a bus!” “Oh my god!” “Somebody call 9-1-1.”
Owwwww…my head. $#!%, is that my blood? There’s a lot of blood. Did anyone see the baby? I felt my pocket. The baby was still in there. Safe. I can see the blurry red lights of an ambulance in the distance. Is it an ambulance? Are they here for me? They might have been called by the same friend of mine that tried to kill me with the baby. I suddenly found myself in the same situation, only I had just been hit by a bus and I couldn’t stand up. I had to trust that the paramedics were on my side. So much blood…. Was I going to be alright? My poor head…it hurt so bad! How was I already at the hospital? I didn’t remember being taken to the hospital. Did somebody drug me? Where’s my baby?! Where are my pants?! Somebody tell me where my pants are! I need my baby!!!
“Sir, please lie down or you’re going to have to be restrained.”
“Who has my baby?! Where are my pants?!”
“Sir?! I’m not going to tell you again!”
– Written by Mister T on July 14, 2011