Breaking news report, brought to you by KXYZ and the California Milk Farmers Association, which has been providing local milk to Californians for the past fifty years.
Good afternoon, I’m Reta McKinley. Local officials are issuing a Crimson report as I share this news with you. As many of you might have noticed by now, the color blue has gone missing. Local enforcement officials and scientists are baffled by this strange phenomenon. Here’s our award-winning news team out in the field to tell us more. Matt, can you hear me out there?
Hi, Reta, the day has taken a strange turn, but it is anything but blue. People all over the city are extremely perplexed by what has taken place out here today. None one seems to have any answer for where blue might have gone.
MAN ON THE STREET:
Ah was just standin’ here waitin’ for mah wife to take a picture of that there Hollywood sign, and all of a sudden, the sky wasn’t blue no more! It was the darndest thing, Ah tell ya. Ah reckoned it was those big time movie folks pullin’ tricks on us or gettin’ ready to make one of those sci-fi pictures, but by the looks of people’s faces around here, Ah reckon that ain’t so! All Ah can say is you folks sure do weird thangs out here in Calleyfornia.
People are in a state of panic out here, Reta. Local enforcement issues are doing their best to keep things calm until they can locate the missing color, but it’s hard to say when that will be.
Matt, can you describe for us what things look like out there?
Well, Reta, the grass has all turned yellow as a result of blue vanishing from the spectrum. The sky is stark white. Those blue-eyed blondes were all know so well in Southern California are now white-eyed and some have been reporting loss of vision all together. Anything in this town that had any pigment of blue in it – from the t-shirt on someone’s back to the car stuck in traffic on the freeway – is now void of that color.
Thanks for the report, Matt. Folks at home, we’ll keep you posted on updates throughout the afternoon as we learn more. We now return to your regular programming, “When Animals Escape From Zoos…”
– Written by Miss A on June 18, 2012